im fucking moody

no really i am i spend half my day happy and teh other half depressed. maybe im bipolar. so far teh only remedies to the crap part of the moodyness, is sleep, insence adn folk music or screaming for long periods of time. the music seems to work best. at elast it gives me some diversity in my life. well im finished my homework and im gonna go off to bed. EARLY. but fisrt! let me write about my weekend. it was more or less uneventful untill sunday when i ahd my ridding show hurrah!. it was fun, me and emily got to sit around, ride horses adn chat. though for some reason wehnit came time for me to do my jumps i wasnt really psyched. i dont know why. i think i was jsut too tierd form the long day. and yeah kinda nervous.. i jsut herd my dad talking about it in the kitchen as if i couldnt hear him. HAHAHHA it makes me laugh. he sorta said thta i wasnt relaxed and didint know how to control my horse. lets see him navigate a six jump course on a horse thast been ridden all afternoon and that jsut tried to buck me off before i even got into the ring! not to metnion that she was ridding by younger kids so by the tie i got her she thought she could do whateve seh wanted including bucking me into a bush. she's a great horse though, i really enjoy riding her, seh's frisky and has a temper wich keeps things intersting, plus shes no as huge as tory so i dont have to fall from as high;) but i eman still after deeling wtih her bad side you cant really blame me for getting a bit nervous on her sometimes. like wheni can tell all sehw ants to do is canter around and i ahve to keep her in check. canterings fun though, i jsut got teh hang of it really so i still ahve to remind myself that i do know what imdoing, but really its amazing. so in conclusion, good weekend, im tierd adn my dad was being ignorant. gnight!

looking back now, aside from that it was amazing fun. i got to see alot of people i ahvent seen for awhile and chatting with them was great. you know the people you see once in a blue moon but really enjoy anyways. and teh family party was really great. i guess i was jsut tierd when i wrote that last night. but seeing as everyone is alive adn jaz said the had fun, im happy about it. it was funny at the family party though, cause our younger cousisn were there adn so was my baby cousin. i was surprised how old i felt around them. jaz was ready to get beaten up by TJ but as much as i love teh little guy i couldnt keep up with his hypeness. he constantly wanted to do things, play soccer have a race. but to me outside activity just seemed tiering and cold. you gotta love kids! you seem so boring compaired to them!

Well THAT was interesting. my first "preformance" at a coffee shop and my sister's 18th birthday party all in one night! the coffee shop was amazing fun. it was PACKED with tons of friends adn my family. i'll be honest i screwed up half the songs, but i didint even care i jsut started laughing and enjoying myself even more. it's honestly the best feeling ever. i couldnt wipe the smile off my face for most the night. jaz's party was great at the beginning. i got to talk to alot of poeple i knew and i was already so hipper that it made it amazing. i didint drink much cuase i didnt feel like it. i had a drink with my sister for her birthday and 2 with maya. spaced out over 2 hours. i was sitting with maya and them for that long though and i hadnt thought to check on their progress. not to complain or anything but the night kinda got shit after that. i was really afraid for my friends who had drank to much. they were really pale. its the fucking scariest thing in the world to not know how to tell if your firend is ok or not, to not know how much they drank adn to have them begging you to call an ambulance. i wasnt much of a help really. i felt like shit cause i couldnt stay calm like sydney, emi and vicki who were an amazing help. i mean they turned out to be fine but at teh time it was really fucking scary to see. my parents got home to them slumped over on my bed. my mom was amazing about it. i guess she was glad that i hadnt been the same this time. but still i was really empressed. neither her or my dad got mad that ngiht or even the next day. they were jsut completly cool about it. im never drinking in my hosue again out of respect for them. right no wim really fucking tierd ubt i cant sleep. plus my bedroom is full of vomit and nasty things so i dont relaly wanna go in there. i stayed up till round 4 yesterday checking on things. i'm really tierd of being around alcohol at the moment. i need a long break. shit i have crap load of homework tomorow!!